Happily Ever Never

My mind is everywhere tonight.

Today I spent time in large social groups, intimate clusters, and by myself.

I even spent time across a booth from a member of the opposite sex. We then went back to his apartment where he showed me the ring he plans to give his girlfriend. It’s beautiful.

My ring was beautiful. It was passed down 5 generations. And I suppose it will continue to be, just not with me.

I’m thinking about the man that gave me that ring (and in the same breath as asking me to dinner to reconcile, asked for it back). I’m thinking about the man that told me I was too busy and how he perhaps knows me better than he wants to. Better than I want to be known right now.

And I’m thinking about a third guy whom I want to get to know. Maybe I just want to get to know him because the other two aren’t possibilities. Maybe it’s because he seems as screwed when it comes to relationships as I am. Misery loves company?

Can misery really understand each other? Or do you just think you understand each other, that the suffering you’ve felt at the hands of the opposite sex makes you special when the reality is there is no possible way either of you can understand the first thing about another person because you don’t understand the first thing about yourself.

Dinner was a success. The 8th person had to work, so no stress over the seating arrangement. Although I was teased for the step ladder. But that didn’t last too long, once they tasted my cooking. I rule the kitchen. Such a waste of a domestic goddess.

While I spent time by myself today, I cried. Then later I laughed. It’s like there’s a bad movie playing in my head.

Where’s my happy ending? If I can admit to being a drama queen, then I can take a minute to pout and say the following: I deserve a happy ending damnit!

And some chocolate-covered peanuts.

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