Dear new downstairs neighbors,
I apologize for everything up front.
Yes, 7am is the latest I ever sleep. If you have ideas on how to rectify that, please drop them in the suggestion box.
No, I don’t have Great Danes galloping through here. It’s just a cat. A 20 lbs. cat. Yes, he’s on a diet.
Yes, that was water dripping onto your front step. I am horrible at caring for my plants. Drought or drown is my method. You seem to have lots of green things on your patio. May I steal one when mine dies?
No, Trick Pony is not just a phase I’m going through. Wait until I have a really bad night and put “Secret Garden” on repeat 53 times. You have my permission to come knocking and inform me that although it’s not too loud, it’s just too damn annoying. I’ll agree wholeheartedly, I just won’t be able to make myself stop without interference.
You’ll still appreciate that more than when I have a really good night. All bets are off on a good night.