Does anyone believe that Fox is keeping The War At Home so everyone can have a nice sex break between Simpsons and Family Guy?

No? Just me?

I’ve been purposely quiet here for a number of reasons. First off, I was beating myself over the head with the essays to an application and finally decided I needed to not post anymore until I got them done. I finished the application, but I’ve also been putting off the less fun (MEASLES. VACCINATION. RECORDS.) aspects of my USF application and I will probably not post with great frequency until that’s done as well.

The other reason is that I’ve been very vague about what’s going on with this whole career change. Because of my job, because of several items that need approval, because USF does not put out semester schedules in anything close to a progressive time frame, and because the essay application is something I want so much that I worry writing will jinx it and will get my hopes up even more, I’m holding off on many of the details.

But, I also can’t not write about it because I’m so excited and happy. So I often start something and edit out the details I feel are inappropriate for Internet and that’s just crap and so I try to write something else but my heart’s not really in it and so that’s crap so I decided I’d rather post nothing than crap.

But! I did have a wonderful, social, TG-centric weekend. Which I will now share.

It started Thursday when he scored free tickets to the hockey game. It was my first game and I enjoyed it a lot. A little frustrated with the scoring, but at least we won. I’d also never been inside the St. Pete Times Forum and I’m going to concert in a few weeks there so that was a nice preview.

Then Friday night was something I’d been looking forward to since October – Wicked!

A side note: I give up on picking seats at the TBPAC. I don’t believe they have any bad seats per se, but after feeling that balcony was too far away at Les Miserables, I’ve stuck to orchestra seats. Except I’d noticed at the last few events – Cats specifically – it would have been nicer to have a view of the entire stage and take it in as a whole. So I purposefully turned down orchestra seats for Wicked. And overall I felt the stage was controlled and the numbers were tight enough that I wouldn’t have missed anything in orchestra and could have seen more facial expressions.

I loved it. I expected to, although beforehand I didn’t consider how biased I am against female voices. In almost anything I’ve seen, I’ve preferred the tenors. It struck me about halfway through how much I was enjoying both Galinda and Elphaba. (With a distinct preference for Elphaba, although I was very impressed with Galinda’s control and breathing through the whole make-over-jumping-on-the-bed scene.)

Afterwards, we hit the Waffle House for a late dinner. My waffle came out very slow and TG was worried over whether it would actually have blueberries on it but I tsked him that if one didn’t have faith in one’s Waffle House server, what did one have? He then slapped me around a bit for a pronoun, I got my waffle (with blueberries), and it was all good.

Saturday I got my ass in gear essay-wise. Application is done, fingers are crossed. I cleaned house a bit, folded the laundry that had been sitting on top of the washer since last weekend, and basically lay on the couch to ensure no harm to my health from the two late nights in a row. I did my grocery shopping that night and I really don’t care how depressing it sounds as a Saturday night activity, I love not having to fight a crowd.

I also wrote some in my paper journal. Which is probably like my Saturday nights when I was fourteen. LARRY & JESSI 4EVER.

Sunday I seemed to be off to a slow start and was grumpy at myself over it, but managed to get the kitchen cleaned, the floors done, and went for my first post-illness real-exercise-with-a-sports-bra-on walk. It was gorgeous and breezy and you should all come visit. But not in two weeks. My parents are coming down in two weeks and that guarantees the weather will turn crappy. We have not had a dry weekend ever when they’ve visited.

TG and I debated King Kong and The Ringer and chose the latter. I hadn’t realized he didn’t know the neighborhood of the mall it was showing at, or that the sanctuary was right across the street.

I think he can attest to my love of the place, the people, and of course the animals by the fact that not only could I not shut-up about it, but I still refer to it as “we”.

(I am returning, but I am up in the air on the exact date. That’s a post in itself.)

BTW, The Ringer was fun. I cringed through the beginning set-up and was worried it was all going to be as contrived and unfunny, but it came through.

Dinner was at Longhorn where TG put up with me making non-forking Tennessee family tree jokes and the fact that I danced/bopped/sang under my breath with every song constantly. Even when he was talking. Perhaps especially when he was talking.

Then back to my place for the Fox Sunday round up. The only bad thing was that we got sucked into the Fox news with promises of octopus-attacking-underwater-camera footage and we both (although at separate times for different reasons) were snipping angrily at the TV. Fox needs to lean how to spell, pace, and place segments. I think from now on if Fox teases something I’ll just google it.

So, that was my weekend. Woo!

Mingaling is queen of the Internet playground. And I’ve been tagged.

Four jobs I’ve had in my life

i. Foreman on a work crew
ii. Gamma-ray creator and spectroscopy analyzer (i.e. research assistant.)
iii. Software Engineer
iv. Secretary

Four movies I can watch over and over (I am a movie-whore, not a movie buff. I’ll watch just about anything and have lots of movies I like, but very few I insist YOU MUST WATCH THIS.)

i. Shawshank Redemption
ii. Sneakers
iii. Practical Magic. Shut up.
I can’t think of a good fourth. I used to watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s with great frequency but the last couple times I watched it, I felt it dragged. I wanted Doc to hurry up and get on the bus and let her get her drink on.
Also, I have watched The Big Sleep 7 times and still don’t get it all. Good criteria for watching over and over. (While I love Casablanca, I’d rather watch Bacall than Bergman.)

Four places I have lived

i. Chicago, IL
ii. The Tampa Bay area, FL. St. Pete/Tampa/and technically Clearwater although no one would believe that’s my current address based on my location. Unincorporated neighborhoods are weird.
iii. Tallahassee, FL
iv. Eagle River, WI (This is a stretch as a summer-only domicile, but it was too depressing to count the Tampa Bay locations separately. I definitely need to live in some other states.)

Four TV shows I love to watch

i. Family Guy
ii. The OC (My problems seem so inconsequential! And I would totally make out with Summer. (TG, no need to leave your usual comment. We all get it. You’d like to see some girl-on-girl action. I’d like flowers showing up at my door bi-monthly. Too bad so sad for both of us.))
iii. My Name is Earl
iv. House. House is EXACTLY the type of man I’m attracted to. Sarcasm makes me swoon.

Four places I have been on vacation

i. Lucca, Italy (home base for a six-week visit to Europe that included France (Nice and Paris) and Spain (Valencia, Barcelona, Madrid) as well as Italy (Florence and Rome))
ii. Los Angeles, CA
iii. Martinique
iv. New York, NY

Four of my favorite dishes

i. Fettuccine Alfredo. Either my dad’s or my own (Dad’s + brick more of parmesan). I cannot/will not order this dish in any establishment, I will think it sucks.
ii. The Vegetarian Combo at Carmelita’s
iii. Ribs from Ribs’n’Bibs.
iv. Ajanti’s tandoori chicken. My father makes kick-ass tender tandoori chicken that I thought wasn’t possible to get in a restaurant until I ate here. (Note to locals: the service is VERY slow. If you are actually hungry when you set out to score food, go elsewhere. Otherwise order some appetizers and a Kingfisher and enjoy a leisurely evening. Great for spending time catching up with someone.)

Four websites I visit daily

i. Television Without Pity
ii. Cnn
iii. Blogger (my home page)
iv. Gmail (While I love the new delete button, it is messing me up because I am conditioned to go to the pull-down actions first.)

Four places I would rather be right now

i. The cabin. This is hypothetical. I’ve always wanted to see it in snow, but it is not winterized. You can barely stand it in late September.
ii. The beach. I say one of the reasons for living in Florida is to be near the water. I can see some from my condo, but the last time I was at the beach was sometime in May with TG, C and H one warm night when the call of driving around in the Jeep could not be ignored.
iii. With Y, a long-ago ex and still-current friend. He has yet to hear about all the changes I’m making and I KNOW he would totally spend an entire evening waving pom-poms over how much he thinks I kick ass. Plus, I think it’s impossible to have a bad time with him.
iv. Ireland. Because wouldn’t you like me to just shut-up and GO ALREADY?

Four bloggers I am tagging

OK, here’s the thing. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m rather shy in the Internet world. (Although why? I love comments myself and I love getting emails. So why I do think other people won’t want them from me? Hi. This is a blog, not a therapist’s office.) And it’s my understanding not everyone loves a tag. So these are suggestions, mostly because I believe I would totally love drinking and falling down a lot with these ladies:

Crystal (who I decided to tag before I read she’s out of town for a week. Ah well.)
MtyMouse
Miss Kendra

When I started writing here, I was also using a pen-and-paper journal. I love them. My writing in them is never good, but it grounds me. I can see the full-circle sweeps from someone hurting my feelings to treating me like a princess and it keeps my tongue civil when I feel the former making its rounds. A few pages of rant and it wicks away my anger. The next day’s entry is often a much different, saner, reflection on the situation.

At some point, with some situations, writing here became better than there. Mostly because the beginning, middle, end structure required more thought process than my usual habit of first thing having to finish the sentence I started the day before. Ending was good, and helped me not dwell. Also, since my paper journals are usually about day-to-day events, it was nice to write here about a certain event or feeling from long ago that was pulling my mind.

So I stopped*. I still carry one with me. Every day. I just got lazy. And for the most part, these days I have little going on worth huge reflection. It’s not worth the finger cramps. What happens in my love life right now is very que sera sera, and while that’s not exciting it is comfortable. I’ve got the whole, “what do you want to be when you grow up” somewhat under control and quite frankly if I wrote about that in a private place I’d probably just freak myself out with all the difficulties I’m setting myself up for.

But here’s some thoughts that if I weren’t so lazy, I’d write today’s date next to with a blue gel pen:

I’m worried about my dad’s health a little. And how my mom responded to my questioning it. We are a guarded family when it comes to admissions of fragility. Although I’ve always thought I wasn’t, I found myself describing the hell of PMS that finally sent me back the doctor and a birth control pill this fall. My mother was shocked that I’d been in so much pain for so long and not told her. It was another data point on how I feel like I communicate wrong and all the times I’ve talked about scripts it’s because I’d really like one for myself.

My grandfather’s book has been published. (It is a biography of the Chief Justice he clerked for. You won’t find it online yet.) If you are in the criminal law field, you might know of him. I have had more than one person ask me randomly if I was related to him or when I’ve mentioned his name, go, “Not THE Mr. (fill in the blanks)!” It is so funny to have that happen because he’s not THE anything to me but the grandpa.

I feel a bit isolated from friends in part due to my singleness, in part to my recent illness. They just all seem to be amidst very coupley issues these days. I wish I had the energy and money to take another evening class but it wasn’t prudent with all I need to put in place for the upcoming events. I have some planned activities (plays, concerts, trips) in the next month or so that will hopefully alleviate some of the glum.

I feel a bit lonely in general that as I look a little over a year out, I’ll probably be changing geography for the first time, really, since I left home. (Tallahassee doesn’t really count.) It’s weird to be this old and realize there is really no one else effected by this decision. I don’t mean that my friends won’t miss me or that my family isn’t pushing for certain schools based on proximity. (And I’m sure the cats have opinions.) But there is no one in my life to whom I HAVE to say, “What about Iowa?”**

Now, that was a completely liberating feeling when I made the decision to quit my job. No other mouth to force ramen down. No one else on my health insurance. So why am I longing for someone to argue the merits of the west coast and renting the condo versus selling?

Even feeling sad about this is a little difficult because sometimes I believe I will always be alone. I don’t mean that in any chick-lit, wine-guzzling, chocolate-eating, woe-is-me-without-a-man fashion. It’s just kinda…well, it makes sense and if that’s the way, why fight it? It’s not that I don’t want a committed, long-term relationship. (I’m not against re-marrying, but I don’t see it as the be-all-end-all one-size-fits-all solution to every relationship.) I do. I just am not quite sure it’s in the cards for me and I have no idea of how to change that and no intention of wasting my life and opportunities trying to make it happen.

Someone hurt my feelings last weekend and I wish I’d had the energy to nip it in the bud then because it was too piddley of a thing to dwell on, but this time of year always seems to mark a time when this person’s mood changes on me and I’d just like to point it out because it still hurts even if he will be the sweetest, most attentive friend ever come April.

Thanks, Dear Diary, you’re the best.

*I wrote maybe five lines regarding the suicide. I was too raw after each day to relive it on paper. I regret that; that I didn’t force myself to write down the details. It might have changed some behavior later on. Nothing drastic or anything, but I did have chances to confront the ex for information and I didn’t, in part probably because I hadn’t hashed it out on my own enough. While I have a few days here or there jotted down afterwards, this marks when I really stopped journal writing.

**I don’t talk much about how I feel about being single because TG became a big part of this place and I feel obligated to make some mention of him. But the truth is, whatever is between us beyond funny IMs and sweet soup-toting-chili-making skills is not something I ever planned to share here.

I will say this much – I have been as close to other men and tried to make these types of life decisions and found it incredibly hard. It seemed they were always looking over their shoulder to figure out if they were being calculated into my plans, how much, what it meant, etc. I actually went to graduate school the first time in part to move AWAY from my boyfriend to prove that I wasn’t making decisions to be with him.

But with TG it is different. We’ve maintained that we want to be friends no matter what, and it’s definitely friends talking when we talk about my future. It’s refreshing. I’m considering the University of Tennessee. And I can tell him that and he knows it’s because it’s a good school for what I’m looking at. The fact that he attended there is just a coincidence. (He also will give me credit that I am smart enough to stalk him in other ways than moving somewhere where he lived seven years ago.)

I’ve been sitting here in a bit of a fog, trying to parse together something on my day.

I went to church. First time in forever. Extra bonus was a session meeting P had to attend which meant D, baby, and I got to chat for an hour. Baby recognized me, I swear. Giggled and held out his arms.

T is in town. We had lunch and mini golf. It was in the high seventies here today, hate me. Afterwards I sat in a office chair in the drive way with the guys and watched some of the game. I left when the party went inside (too much smoke for my newly-working lungs).

Only downside is the new antibiotic is doing a number on my stomach. Vomiting is getting old. Both last night and this afternoon I felt fine. Why? Because I’d eaten HUGE (for me, at least) meals. Full of carbs and fat. I have been very careful to keep my weight stable through an entire month of no exercise and mandatory couch potato time. All will be for naught if this new script comes with a two mcMuffin minimum.

I know I’m feeling better when instead of just wanting the world to go away, I wish to slap it around a bit first.

Evidently being sick also makes me a thoughtless bitch. Here you guys leave nice comments telling me to get well, and I don’t even acknowledge it. Thank you for the kind words.

(I am not referring of course to TG’s taunt. He’s just looking to antagonize me into good health and a fierce romp.)

(Actually, he was nice enough to bring over chili Sunday evening. He made it with his own two cows and everything. It’s entirely possible I’m the one itching for a fierce romp and projecting. Whatever.)

Somehow this also translated to us watching the first two-hour season premiere of 24. That constituted the first two hours of 24 I’d ever watched, but I was immediately hooked. Damn him.

One small thing that’s been bugging me was solved today. Phoenix.

I’m going to risk it and tell you the truth. I have no desire to go to Phoenix.

Hopefully, no feelings were hurt in the making of that sentence. Because while Phoenix and I have no business together, I will go to the ends of the earth for a friend’s birthday celebration. Phoenix is a little closer than that. By at least 57 miles.

The call came out in early August. The need for a huge 31st birthday celebration. As I am no stranger to these calls, I answered it. The planning started early because the original idea was not Phoenix. But one after another, things fell through and Phoenix remained. I’ve had my time to make peace with this. Another friend and I got together to discuss strategies for ensuring an awesome time for the birthday girl despite no exotic locale.

But it got a little complicated after Christmas. Specifically, after the ick in my sinuses lingered on and I took several days off work unplanned.

Well, truthfully, it was complicated before that as Phoenix is not a quick trip from Tampa. Southwest, my usual trusty carrier, doesn’t have many direct flights period. Any way I sliced the clock, the flights didn’t look fun. And some even downright impossible for the birthday schedule.

Then we can add in the fact that I no longer have as many free days to while away. Since I plan to leave my job after (certain spring month), I have to calculate the time off I will have earned by then and only use that, no matter what evil, delicious balance my employee info states.

With no extra day off and a six plus hour flight plan, it was looking impossible to get to Phoenix.

But today, in a last ditch effort I checked around one last time. And lo! (Lo?) America West flies direct from Tampa to Phoenix!

I will have to leave early in the morning the day after the birthday bash, but at least I will be there.

In Phoenix.

Yesterday’s snippet of a post was meant to be part of something bigger that I couldn’t bring myself to finish. Maybe I’ll get back to it sometime. Suffice to say, I’ve had regrets on my mind as I move towards changes that I planned and fell through on before.

I’ve been having difficulties.

Not just here. Everywhere. With everyone.

Let’s sum up recent life events:

Sick. Tea.

That does not make for thrilling conversation. And really there are just so many times you can ask me how I’m feeling before I wish to throw something at you. My grandmother called to grill me on such things as, “Do you have a fever?”, “Are you taking any medicine?” “Do you still have your tonsils?” and “Do you think you might be better off without them?” Y’all, I love my grandmother fierce. But I hung up the phone and cried tears of frustration because I’M DOING THE BEST I CAN AND IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT SO PLEASE LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE.

Other events are even less fun to discuss. Who wants to tune in for the exciting adventures of chasing down my measles vaccination records? Or writing an essay on “What does education mean?” How ’bout going over my finances again? I bought a bottle of water today. One dollar!

Oh, I did go to the tax collectors and get Veronica registered through 2007. Whoo! And yes, I’ve been driving her for the past year unregistered. This seemed odd to the lady (“Have you driven the car at all?” “Every day.”), but the system seemed happy to just take double the fee and let me go on my merry way.

I went to work today for the first time since last Thursday. I survived. Although damn it was exhausting. So much that I couldn’t string together a coherent post even if I did have anything interesting to report.

I regret telling him I’d never really liked lilies. It was true, I hadn’t. But those were gorgeous and changed my mind. Blunt and rude are such a slip of the tongue apart. One makes me cute. The other, not so much.

Looking for an upside. ANY upside.

When your nasal cavities are so filled with snot that your response to homemade chocolate chip cookies is, “enh”, you can save quite a bit on groceries by sysmatically going through all those freezer items you never want to eat because they bored you so much the first time around you didn’t finish them and put them in the freezer.

Status Quo:

Sick. Sick. Sick. Dumb.

Could everyone please, please stay the fuck home when you are ill? So that we do not all keep passing the same fucking virus back and forth for months?

I was feeling better by Sunday evening. Ready to return to my usual schedule of chores and workouts after work. Then after Monday, I once again felt lethargic. By Tuesday afternoon, I had a small fever and sore throat.

(Note: I am going to work tomorrow. Because all the reasons all the other fuckers keep coming in – there are deadlines and I don’t want to waste my time off being sick when I can moan just as well at my desk. But I am bringing in anti-bacterial gel and not allowing anyone into my personal space. Which is not much different than my regular work stance except for the gel.)

My ears have fluid in them. I have very…unique ears. The shape makes them extra sensitive to pressure and extra susceptible to infections. Which means either condition is extra painful to me. There is little that can make me a blubbering mess like an ear infection. It feels like someone started little camp fires in there. I want to get all redneck and reach for my car keys.

As much as I want a magic pill to make it all better, I do appreciate my doctor does not give out antibiotics willy-nilly. I’m on a strict regimen of anti-inflammitories, decongestants, and cough meds. But if I don’t feel better in a few days, she wrote a script for amoxicillin as well.

My doctor also thinks this virus has landed in my thyroid, which is causing the prolonged illness. So I got blood drawn today as well. I don’t understand how I can do one-armed aphaeresis (roughly 90 minutes of pumping blood in and out of one vein) with no consequence, but this lady took two little vials in one minute and I’m bruising.

The dumb part? Well, first off I let TG come over yesterday. We didn’t engage in anything as fun as exchanges of bodily fluids, but the doctor is pretty sure I’m still contagious. I will feel awful if I get him sick.

The second dumb part is that it appears Veronica has not been a registered vehicle for the last year. I went looking for my registration papers to fill out some residency forms for school and could only find my 2002, 2003, and 2004 cards. I am way too anal-retentive for this to have happened.

Thank goodness the only time I’ve been pulled over this year, I was in a rental car. Smartest thing I’ve ever done?