Unexpected
Everything I want to write is so clichéd. Except for my surprise.
I didn’t expect to feel like this again.
My relationships from the past two years have been (mostly) fun. But they haven’t really been relationships in my mind. It’s what you call something when fuck buddy gets stuck in your throat.
Emotions were exchanged for pragmatic. Wants forgotten for needs. I don’t regret it. I doubt I’d understand the difference between wants and needs in a relationship so well otherwise.
But I had started to wonder if I had somehow broken myself. Perhaps the record had skipped one too many times. I am both relieved and annoyed to find that isn’t the case.
I’d forgotten how scary it is to give someone my heart. How exhausting it is to be hurt by little things because I want him to understand me better than that.
How wonderful it is when he shows how thankful he is that we met. How breathtaking it is when he soothes the hurt and makes me better understand myself.
Oh wow - *swoon*. Been there, and that is one of the most amazing, special feelings in the world, right there, realising you CAN feel that way, that you aren’t totally numb or irreparably emotionally retarded/damaged. Also, as you say, bloody terrifying! But good, good stuff. Am so happy for you, sweetheart.
I’m smiling at this.