The title is supposed to be a spoof of, “A little bit country, a little bit rock-n-roll.”  Of course, it isn’t funny.  But when you feel damaged and lonely, what do you expect?

It’s late.  I have a tension headache.  Hmm.  Jaw popped too.  I stepped into something I shouldn’t have this evening.  Passion speaking before practical.  I’m leaving for three weeks, I cannot take on more responsibilities.  I have no idea of the struggles that went on while I was gone and what I would be taking on.  But I am watching something I loved, nutured, and help create falter.

I finished my final lab report.  I think it’s better than the first, which I received a fair grade on.  But fair means ‘B’ and I plan to ace this class so obviously I was unhappy.  I read the remarks and it seemed fairly simple what I had missed - I was just rushed and un-inspired.  However, the TA just sent out a last minute guide and in the examples of discussion?  He used part of mine as a bad one.  Admittedly fair, but damn what a blow less than 24-hours before I have to turn in the final one.  It had me second-guessing the entire thing.  Maybe if I weren’t so down and it were a little earlier in the game I would have used it as fuel.

Chemistry is bound and determined to hem up my biology progress.  It’s starting to look like I won’t make it to graduate school in fall of 2007.  In some ways I’m fine with that because I know I will be busy.  But I’ve always said long-term planning is not my thing and anything further than a year out feels like a crumbling ledge under my feet.

I leave for Costa Rica in six days.  I haven’t brushed up on my (almost non-exsistent) spanish or even memorized where on a damn map I’m headed.  All I’ve done is bought hiking boots, camp towels, and binoculars.  Feels like my solution to preparing is to spend money and that feels dirty.

I turn in a rental application tomorrow, making it official that I will be living with ST and leaving my condo.  I am excited yet scared about both of these concepts.  The closer we get, the more I remember how much I sucked at every long-term relationship in my past.  I feel I’m supposed to be the one confident in all of this - isn’t the women supposed to want commitment?  Plus, I’ve been-there, done-that, and rode the marriage-merry-go-round.  So why does it seem I am the one with questions?

Leaving my condo is a very practical idea right now.  But as I’m running around attempting advising appointments, enrichment meetings, Costa Rica research (coffee!  bananas!), and a double school work load to make up for missing next week, I feel like I’m right back where I always am.  Spread too thin.  Unable to focus and excel.  I’m worried throwing selling the condo into the mix is not a good thing. 

The head.  It pounds.  Thank goodness tomorrow is only a 15-hour day.