Staying Together for the Sake of the Cats*
We were doing the weekly grocery shopping on Sunday when ST spotted a buy-one-get-one-free ad for the generic 2-L soda.
“This is a good deal!” I agreed that it was, then wondered why he was still standing there.
“So, can we get some?”
This isn’t the first time he’s asked; kowtowed to the crown of grocery shopping I was unaware bestowed upon me. Oh sure, he may argue on points here or there (organic eggs, for example), but for the most part once we get in the door my list rules supreme.
The point of this story is my answer: Yes.
I often try to figure out or articulate why things work with ST that didn’t work with others. Why we’re deeper in debt than I was with ex yet we don’t fight about money. Why I never believed the phrase, “There’s no such thing as bad sex” until him. How it’s possible with four cats, a dog, a guinea pig, and two forgetful people to (mostly) stay on top of the housework without so much as one raised voice.
The easy answer is that we both say yes a lot. Neither of us has gone without a foot or back rub anytime one was requested. He’s eaten his first tofu dogs, I’ve had my first meal of deer burger. Whatever our little hearts desire in the rhelm of food and/or entertainment are almost always instantly granted.
But…why? Why is it so easy to say yes to each other when many people who know us might throw the words prideful and stingy into descriptions they thought would never get back to us?
I can tell you that in other relationships, I haven’t bothered to ask for much because I was afraid of that, “No”. In other relationships, I’ve used excel spreadsheets to determine who owes who what and what day of the week with what moon phase I might be able to get what’s due.
With him, I am comfortable and content. I don’t need a list to determine what I get can ask for; if anything I self-police that I’m not getting too much without giving enough in return.
If I could give any advice to anyone in relationship, it would be to ask yourself what’s your yes comfort-level.
*The title is on a magnet the ex put in the Christmas stocking once.
You know, one of the things that keeps me happiest is not that we’re happy together, but that we both are willing to do what it takes to be happy together. I think that’s what enduring relationships are made of…
not that I’ve ever had one so I can’t be 100% on that, heh.