It is amazing how BRILLANT (BRRRILLLANT I say!) a research paper becomes after a good soak, some clean hair, the last dregs of low-fat egg nog, and the understanding that you are becoming very much less BRRILLLANT by the second.

I should have ended it when he called his mother to pick him up after a car accident.  At the time I was just relieved I didn’t have to actually do anything but coo sympathetically on the phone.  And a part of me was a bit excited that this meant his mother would find out about us (the accident location left no room for doubt that he was returning from an overnight rendezvous).  It wasn’t that I really wanted his family to know; I just knew that they usually didn’t know about his romantic life and I like pushing the envelope period in relationships.  I wasn’t comfortable in a relationship unless it was uncomfortable.  But seriously?  His mom?  That’s who he called? 

I should have ended things in any other way than him finding out via this blog.  I was looking at the step forward, with another man, and had my blinders on.  I never really considered he’d care that we were over – there were other women in his life, other dates, other opportunities.  He didn’t love me, and from those words on I pretty much decided he wouldn’t give a damn what happened between us.  But of course that’s crap.  I always gushed, and still do, over how well he treated me.  I felt cherished despite the other dates, other women.  He was exactly what I needed when I needed it.  I wish I had let him know in a kinder, gentler, more cherished way, that I no longer needed him.

Why didn’t we leave things the way they were?  Why has goodbye been shredded from our lips again and again?  Never getting it right, of course.  Fire and fury and entitlement fuel us towards each other over and over.  I miss my friend very much.  I knew after the last that we couldn’t try to repair anything until we were both in more stable romantic situations.  Here I am, so fucking happily married that I cannot believe it.  Where are you?  Can we say hello again, even if it’s just to get the goodbye right for once?

What are things Jessica has none of?

DING DING DING!

(Actually, that was me hitting my head on the desk.  More of a “CLUNK CLUNK SMOOSH.)

What I would write about if I had any of those three:

1) Ex-boyfriends

2) How it might not be appropriate to write about ex-boyfriends if I’m married

3) How after deciding I was definitely not cut out for the death-do-you-part gig, I am once again wearing rings on my left hand and washing underwear that I don’t wear.  Unless I run out of mine, at least.

4) How my husband likened sex with him to having a million dollars.

I think I’ll stop there and let you muddle that one over. 

Georgia was nice, although no time see Lori or TG.  I survived the first family gathering (at least on Tom’s father’s side.)

I don’t think I come off particularly well during these visits, at least to people other than his mother and grandparents.  (All three of those people are because I spend time one-on-one with them.)  I am just definitely the sore thumb in the family (Yankee, liberal, tree-hugger) and I get rather tongue-tied.

We did indeed bring Lady home.  For the first week, I was severely depressed.  Her mannerisms are so different from Busch, that I just missed him even more.

Then Tom left for a business trip.  The very day he left, she got shit in her hind leg hair AND got her period.  After such bonding, how could I not love her?