Jessica In Progress

For the Love of Fuck

33 and 5 days

March26

I was going to write on my birthday.  Then I was going to write on Monday so I could alliterate, except with numbers.  Now it’s Wednesday but that title is stuck in my head and at least 5 is an odd number because I like odd numbers.

I like odd numbers.  Sometimes, you gotta really dig.  Even for the little stuff.

I was spoiled with a new iPod shuffle the week before my birthday.  It is cute and clippy and totally unnecessary because I already had a shuffle that worked perfectly fine.  But I really wanted one - I kept tangling the old ear phones/neck strap in the dog’s leash.

I also received tons of gift cards from Tom’s family for which I haven’t properly thanked them.  And emails/cards/texts from friends.  And booze from a very astute sanctuary friend.

I made the very difficult decision to drop out of my class at school.  My scheduling was difficult, but not impossible.  What was impossible was finding time to study.  Any time I am home I want to sleep or clean.  Or sometimes both.  It really got away from me three weeks ago and I told myself up until the day before a test that I could catch up.

I am not happy with this decision.  More to the point, I am not happy with the knowledge that I won’t take any classes over the summer or in the fall.  There are work/sanctuary-related deadlines that I know will occupy most of my time.  And I knew this (for the most part), going into this situation.

The truth is, I have been very burned out on school ever since I got *any* kind of job.  Not since the second semester of school have I really been interested - in part because I haven’t been able to focus.

So…do I plan to return to school fulltime at some point in the future?  Or do I cut my losses?  These sorts of questions weigh on my mind even though I have absolutely zero brain power to make any decision on the matter.

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