Just Be Me

I apologize for leaving the “Dear Dad” post up so long.  I always want to follow it with something witty and upbeat.  And I’m just not feeling it.

Part of it I’m sure is the yearly let down of leaving the cabin in the north woods.  It has not been so bad this year.  I have not bombarded Tom with pleas for us to purchase the old time-y souvenir picture business that has been left vacant for 2 years on main street.

(Side note: this is where we have the closest thing to a wedding photo as I am in a white dress in our civil war recreation photo)

But I still miss it dearly.  (The cabin, not the business.)  The cabin isn’t insulated so it’s not like I can just up and go whenever.  We closed the cabin for the season while we were there.  I struggled hard with the idea that maybe I could squeeze in one more trip in September/October but again…reality.  Bleh.

We also came home to several small snafus.  I guess a huge one still looms.  Our AC started to not cool as well.  Again.  To the third power.  Second verse same as the first.  A little bit louder and a little bit more expensive.  We have used one more stop gap hail mary suggestion that as I type this and stare at the thermometer sitting in the wall register does not appear to have worked.  I’ll hold off on calling the tech again until the situation escalates because the next step is a complete bank-buster.  Almost as much as a new unit.

(The AC just kicked on again and the temp dropped to an acceptable level so maybe all is well?  Fingers crossed?  It’s exhuasting as shit to be paranoid about the AC cycling.)

Since I’ve been back, I got Gma enrolled in the hospice system.  I’m not sure what she will need in terms of medications and care to make this decline not so horrible, but they do.  My mom is going to visit in mid October, so that gives Gma something to look forward to.  This week we are picking up her new hearing aid.  My biggest fear is that she is going to just be confused and frustrated about how to use it.

I went to a girl’s night last Friday that was absolutely wonderful and just what I needed.  But in telling the updates of my life, someone would ask, “Will you still go hiking if Tom gets a new position and you have to move?”  and I’d explain contingency plans A and B. “What about your grandmother?  What happens if you move?  What happens if you hike?”  Contingency plans C & D.

I feel like I’m up to double letter contingency plans but with zero tried and true plans.  I’ve had so much thrown at me to prepare for the worst that I can’t even remember what it is I want to do with the best.

So, for better or worse, I’m just trying to be.  Sorry that means a boring, lame post sometimes.  We did a 3-day hike while at the cabin which was both awesome and horrifying and once I get back to a bit better me I promise I’ll share the details.

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