A Friday in Unsent Letters
Dear Girl in the gym who needed to pull down her shorts and up her shirt to prod at her flat stomach in the mirror,
I was going to be all snippy and say things like I can bench press you and I may be fat but at least I can do math.
But your skinny ass looked so damn critical and annoyed and unhappy. So honey, let me back up the snark and say that you don’t need to go to the gym to worry about those things. Do that in your house. At the gym, worry about how your body feels.
Hugs,
The pudgy girl sweating buckets on the elliptical who left with a smile on her face because her body felt awesome.
PS. Get some 34DDs. With the right bra and shirt combo, you can be 5 months pregnant and look like you have flat abs.
——-
Dear Target,
You disappoint. And FYI: no one’s interested in bright red food utensils made in China.
Sincerely,
The lady who kept most of her money to give to a different store.
——
Dear Whole Foods,
You do not disappoint. How much would it cost to let me in after hours, turn on all the bulk spigots, and roll around in it?
Luv,
A woman who is frufru enough to buy quinoa and whole wheat pastry flour but also frugal enough to not pay frufru prices
—-
Dear Shoulder,
What. The. Fuck. I get it. No more iPhone games until you’re feeling better. Now feel better. Damnit.
Yours Truly,
I mean it.