In Need Of…

My grandmother passed away Thursday, August 2nd.  I arranged for her to go to a Hospice care center the Monday prior, so she died in relative comfort (yay drugs!), away from people trying to make her continue to live, and also in her sleep and not in her own room which is how she told me she wanted to die.

The first few days after she died were blissful.  She was in a lot of pain, slept fitfully 24/7, and would not get out of bed before I had her moved to the care center.  It was so obvious that she was ready to go and needed to go and then she got to go and that seemed wonderful.

But the reality of someone passing away when you are pretty much the only next-of-kin sunk in.  Not to mention once I got over the euphoria that the person in that bed was no longer confused and in pain, I started to truly grieve and miss the woman that I had known as Gma.

I am way overburdened mentally with the i-dotting and t-crossing that accompanies someone passing away.  Physically, I don’t have much left to do but plan her memorial service.  A daunting task for someone who prefers to grieve in private, but not insurmountable.

As a say, the mental burden is much more troublesome.  Trying to remember who all needs to be contacted about what.  Checking her bank accounts to ensure SSA and her annuities deposit/withdraw appropriately as her death works into their systems.  Keeping a list of the things to do after the estate is finalized.

Trying to figure out what the heck to do with myself in the meantime.

A big thank you to the friends who have read the past few posts and reached out to me via text, email, or phone.  If I have not responded to you, I’m sorry.

I am in need of many things these days.  And a new voice here is one of them.  Mopey-Gma-navel-gazing is so 2011.

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One Response to In Need Of…

  1. Crystal says:

    Forgive me if I have posted this comment three times, it does not appear to be registering.

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I haven’t been by in a while and was coming by to catch up. My thoughts are with you…