New Corporate Policy

Tom:  Damn!  I left your bra at work.

Me:  I shouldn’t have had any bras in the laundry!

Tom:  But you did.  A sports bra.  Don’t worry, it didn’t go in the dryer.  That’s why I forgot it.  It’s hanging off the door to the breaker panel.

Me:  What?!  What are you going to do when we have actual employees??!

Tom:…Tell them to hang their bras elsewhere?  That door is for YOUR bras.

Pizza, Pizza

Tom:  I’ll need your help when we get home.

Me:  OK, but we have to cook dinner.

Tom:  I thought we were having pizza?

Me:  That was LAST night.

Good news/bad news:

Good news!  Even in the midst of a schedule change and bare pantry we won’t eat pizza two days in a row!

Bad news!  One pizza = one meal.

Get Your Anti-Oxidants Right Here

It seems Tom and I have a slightly different approach to sussing out the important flavors in a recipe…

Me:  What do you want to eat this week?

Tom: Oh, I don’t know…um….what about that stew?

Me:  What stew?

Tom:  It has spinach* in it?

Me:  You mean the one with red wine?

Guess what I get to drink during dinner prep!

*It’s not spinach, it’s arugula.  And it’s not arugula in the original recipe, it’s kale. Which is what I’m using tonight as it is not exactly arugula season.  But I’m still drinking the wine.  And wondering how Tom managed to evolve from someone with a chest freezer full of perogies and fish sticks to someone suggesting spinach stew.

Dear #JohnGreen

I’ve said before I am a fan of the vlogbrothers – John and Hank Green.  Despite being older than them both, and somehow MORE yet also LESS nerdy than them both.

This past weekend, I successfully negotiated most of the weekend off from working the store by bringing to light I hadn’t had a weekend day off in almost two months.

Then I sat around the house all like, huh.  What do I do now?

Saturday I worked on a website for the Eagle River Business Association that I recently volunteered to administrate.  (Eagleriverbiz.biz)  And our own website.  And I cooked a few things.  And then Tom came home and was all like, “So you didn’t take the day off at all?”

Dear John Green who may be having a midlife crisis,

use “like” and “all” in place of “said”, “retorted”, and “admonished”.  You will feel a ton younger.  Hashtag NOT REALLY.

Love, Jessica In Progress.

And I retorted (was like), “Yes I did!”

Then I had to do it all again on Sunday.  And by 11am I had run out of things to do and had to figure out what I wanted to do for pleasure.

I remembered waaay back over the Long Winter of 2013/2014 that Tom and I started watching vlogbrothers from the start on our big screen TV through our PS3.  It was a short lived marathon because as of January 2014 Hiker Box, LLC became a real thing and we started a marathon of Giving Money to Other People so Even More Other People Would Give Us Money.

Ah, retail.

(Have I mentioned I truly love that we started the store?  Because I do.  Just today I sold people on good hiking socks that I WEAR EVERY DAY THEY ARE AWESOME.  And I feel, in a small way, that I made the lives of those people better somehow.  Through footwear. Really, Really, Good footwear.)

ANYWAY.

Sunday afternoon, all productive avenues demolished, I decided to pick up on watching vlogbrothers from the beginning.

Today, I watched November 1st: When Nerdfighter Fall in Nerdfighter-Like.  Where John Green tries to raise $100 for a train ticket for Nerdfighters to meet in real person.

Then I switched to my current subscriptions where the vlogbrothers video is “A Minor Crisis“. Where John Green mentions that their 501c(3) charity, The Foundation To Decrease World Suck, has $45,000 in the bank before their biggest fundraiser of the year.  And that he feels old because “Looking for Alaska“, his first YA novel, is 10 years-old.

Dear John Green,

As an old Nerdfighter, my advice to you is to watch those two videos back to back.  Midlife old feelings may not be abolished by such viewing, but like, I was all “How very cool.”

Love,

Jessica In Progress

Two Birds, One Stone

It is still snowing here and driving me a tad insane.  I went on a run two weeks ago and a nice long walk a few days later.  Since then?  We’ve gotten almost two feet of snow.

Since it is Throw Back Thursday, I will relate a story from Tom’s and my first date which has been sitting as a draft for far too long.  If I can’t go play outside, at least I can obsessively clean out my files.

On our first date, Tom asked me what I thought was the solution to the world’s overpopulation.

I gotta say it was a first in the get-to-know-you-as-a-romantic-partner conversations.  I was a little impressed.  And a lot annoyed.  I didn’t have an answer.  I was thrown for a loop and that will set a control freak’s lasers from stun to kill.

I think I asked him to repeat the question.  Then I gave him my first gut answer.

“Soilent Green.”

“Soilent Green?”

“Yes.  We euthanize and eat many other kinds of animals.  Why are we so special to be excluded?”

Needless to say, he was in love.

Was It The Swearing Or The Yelling?

Boss:  Is that…snow?  Is it snowing?

Me:  Yes…and I CALL BULLSHIT!

Boss:  Now you sound like a Wisconsinite!

We’ve got at least 2 inches now and it’s not stopping.  I am officially done with winter.  Please take it back from wherever it came.

What Now?

Tom:  Hey, the high on Wednesday is neg one!

Me:  THAT’S NOT A REAL HIGH.  HIGHS CANNOT BE NEGATIVE NUMBERS.

Tom:  Someone forgot to tell Wisconsin that.

(Send…stuff.  and things.  I have no clue what the fuck will see us through this but I’m sure more stuff and things will help.)

(In case you couldn’t tell, I’m kidding.  I’m loving it.  Unless you were going to send dollar bills or gold bullion.  THEN S O MOTHERFUCKING S PEOPLE.)

A Soupçon of Decongestant

My employer is extremely generous with my schedule.  Not so generous that I am paid for time I do not actually work, but that’s a tall order in the part-time world.  I worked the past two days but yesterday the guys were in the office a lot more and noticed plague-like sounds coming from my desk.

I had already been given the option that I could work or not work on Friday as I saw fit.  Since I plan to go in at least an hour or so to keep on top of the mail and not cry over this payday, I figured I could go ahead and mention the idea of my not coming in Wednesday (today).

They were quite fine with not having someone hacking up lung all over the copier.  Nicer still, I was given the go ahead to bill a few hours if I wanted to work from home on some design stuff.

I brought home printouts and forwarded a few things but in the light of today…not so much.  Cold medicine turns me a bit fuzzy and unimaginative.  I’ve spent the day mostly watching old YouTube videos.

That’s not true.  This morning after I decided three cups of tea did NOT equal a cup of coffee and brewed my fix, I had a spurt of productivity where I wrote a bit about Thanksgiving meals (not done yet…see: cold medicine vs. coffee), roasted some butternut squash to go in a salad tomorrow (SPOILER:  my Thanksgiving includes butternut squash.  And kale.) (I just took out and put back in that period SIX TIMES.  THERE IS A COMMA HERE BUT ONCE THERE IS ONE PERIOD IN A PARENTHETICAL I THINK IT LOOKS WEIRD WITHOUT.  PERIOD.), and then I sorted the six million pounds of laundry that have piled up.

We got off our laundry schedule because my Mom was nice enough to do some laundry for us but it was right after we’d done a bunch a laundry so we sort of tried to ride the wave of her niceness and fabric softener a little too long.

But I still wouldn’t let Tom do laundry today.  Partly because I know there are some work clothes I hung up that technically should be washed but I’m too fuzzy to figure out that particular closet conundrum.

Partly because Tom said he wanted to do some black Friday shopping (??) and I said OK then afterwards you could do laundry at the laundromat by my work while I catch up on the mail and he said OK.

And this type of conversation and miscommunication is extremely typical of us.  We have a conversation about how a particular day or timeline or procession of tasks might be achieved.  I walk away from it thinking that it is set in stone.  He walks away from it remembering that tasks need to get done.  And quite often he will offer to do said tasks in a manner other than discussed that are 1) accomplished sooner than planned and 2) require less input/commitment from myself.  And yet I refuse his suggestions because I have now worked out a thousand other tasks in my mind around the original discussion and cannot fathom how the world will work different.

Even if his new way is actually more convenient and would mean I had clean Penguin Pants.

(And if Tom read my blog, he could gloat at how in my medicine haze I just admitted sometimes I am an idiot and stubborn and quite possibly not the easiest of lifetime companions.  But he doesn’t.  So at least I still have that.)