September17
The prelogue to this conversation is that despite receiving a third vehicle over four months ago, despite calculating IN A SPREADSHEET (the most sacred document in our household) the sale of the truck into our financial decisions, despite REPEATED badgering/nagging/threatening from me, the truck remains dirty, unsold, and in a vistor’s spot by the pool at the condo…
Me:…So can we add that to your to-do list?
Him: Sure.
Me: Like the truck?
Him: Don’t forget to add “Beat the wife”.
Me: Given your ability to cross things off this list? I’m not too scared.
September10
“You know Norma, she has that disease….same as your friend. Start’s with a c…”
“Cerebral Palsy?”
“No. That old boyfriend.”
“…Corhn’s disease?”
“Yes!”
“Wow. That was a while ago….that was over two husbands ago!”
“Now you’re just bragging.”
“I don’t think that’s something to brag about, Grandma.”
May27
ST and I were on the Busch Gardens tram, heading into the park. I looked to my right, and there he was. NB. It had to be. That gelled hair. The pock-mark under his left side-burn.
So I smiled, at first to myself as he was with a beautiful and skinny blond. Then I smiled at him after poking him in the shoulder.
He looked at me as if I was a stranger.
I took the sun glasses off. “NB?”
“No. Sorry.”
“Oops!”
On reflection, the hair was too blond. And he did not walk with the right stance when I saw him leave the tram. But that pock-mark sure had me going.
ST slung an arm around my back, “Sorry dear. But you can’t have dated them all!”
January30
I was studying a manatee skull in lab today and perusing the papers belonging to it.
“Oh!”
“Hmm?”
“My ex-husband sent this in.”
“Are you surprised?”
“Not really.”
January19
“Yes Dear.”
“Hi. When you get up, you really need to not leave Frisco in the bedroom. He just tried to vomit on the bed and I flung him across the room.”
“Baby, he’s a sneaky bastard.”
“I know. That’s why I said TRY.”
“Well maybe if my alarm went off so I got up at the right time – ”
“No. Nonono. I called YOU. If you want to get bitchy, you have to call me back later.”
“…well, that hardly seems fair!”
I grasped for any sort of clever singsong saying to prove my point. This is how we make rules, right? Find a rhyming scheme and drill it home?
From now on, whomever dialed, gets to be riled.
Of course, I didn’t think of that at 4:50am. My mind was a little full of sleep and vomit escape paths.
October26
A monster truck painted orange and black passes…
Me: Ugh.
ST: Yeah.
Me: I bet he fucks like a jackhammer. And it’s either really painful or really boring.
ST: I was wondering why he had his truck painted like a fishing lure.
June1
Uttered by ST while fixing things around my house…
“If I had known you had a DeWalt, I’d have gotten serious much sooner!…Oh wait. It’s only 12-volt. Never mind.”
April17
“Have you started to dye it?”
“Um, no.”
“It just doesn’t seem as noticeable these days.”
I struggle for an answer then realize the cause, “It’s because I’m back at the sanctuary.”
“The sun. That would do it.”
“Sorry.”
“That’s OK. I have a picture in my mind’s eye.”
“You are the only man I know who wants to imagine more gray hair on a woman.”
“I can cause a bit more too. Just give me time.”
April4
“Something you said Saturday night confused me.”
“Oh?”
“You mentioned how I am different from other women because I do not demand 10,001 commitments. And you made it sounds like a compliment.”
“Maybe demand is the wrong word. I have been trapped before.”
“Trapped?”
“Yeah, like when one day it’s going to the movies and the next she’s asking what I want for our 50th wedding anniversary. What we want to name the second kid.”
“I see. Because I had been thinking yesterday. I was thinking that maybe…I…didn’t want to…date…(cough)…other people. And I was thinking that you would like that. But then I remembered what you said and I wasn’t sure anymore.”
“I would like that. I would like that a lot. I just don’t feel I have a right to ask that because I can’t offer anything more right now.” *
“But you’re never going to be able offer anything more. This is it.”
“True.”
“So…it seems either we can make it work the way things are or we can’t.”
“A fair assessment. It would be nice to know you only want to spend time with me. It would be a relief that you were saving your time for me.”
“….”
“….”
“….”
“….”
“…I’m trying to say something. The commitmentphobe in me is holding back.”
“I figured. I heard the cough.” **
“So I think…maybe that’s what I want to do.”
“I’ve got a warm fuzzy feeling right now.”
“Are you sure that’s not a pit in your stomach?”
“No. It’s definitely higher.”
“Good.”
*He works insane hours, and shift to boot. He has mentioned several times that he thinks it might lighten up after this or that, but finally on Saturday I cut through the bullshit and got him to admit he loves his job so much there will always be something.
**I get this throat tickle when talking about relationships. I call it my commitment phobic cough. I also flap my hands around like a penguin attempting flight; you just can’t see it over the phone.