Me: Do you want enchiladas for dinner?
Me: That’s a lot of work. How about not?
Tom: I don’t really care what we eat as long as we eat.
Me: Challenge accepted!
(It’s going to be enchiladas with all the leftover veggies we didn’t get to last week including spaghetti squash, onion, 1/2 a carton of mushrooms, and some grape tomatoes. Prepare for awesomeness! Or, at the very least, food. Let’s hope we can call it food by the time I’m done.)
Me: isn’t it very obvious right now (gesturing to Tom’s state of hair- both facial and head) that I married my father?
Mom: …Yes…but they had very different personalities.
Me: I know. When Tom gets drunk he doesn’t sing in French.
Mom: I was thinking more about Tom’s ability with home improvement.
Me: That’s true. Dad focused very much on the ‘Yourself’ aspect of DYI. Regardless of how many corners he cut ‘Doing It’.
Sorry Dad, but it’s true. You rocked the full beard better, if that’s worth anything.
We’re pretty busy around these here parts. Tom’s working like mad to get the crawl space enclosed and I’m helping when I’m not work-working, cooking, canning, or prepping for guests.
(We had an awesome time last weekend with some friends we know from my Mom. Without them, we would have not canoed at all this year. And Cathy is coming this Wednesday!! I can’t wait!)
My point is, I have little time or energy to write. This weekend was spent digging trenches and feeling like an old woman who dug trenches.
But still. I feel I simply must give you something. And so…
Me: Is it time for bed yet?
Tom: It’s twenty to seven.
Me: Why can’t you ever just answer a question?! “am I digging deep enough?” ” is it bedtime?” These are Yes or No questions! Why can’t you say yes or no???
Me: Are you happy you married me?
Tom: It’s warm in here with the fire.
Me: Good answer. I also would have accepted, “it’s twenty to seven”.
Him: These cookies are tasty!
Me: Good. They’re made with whole wheat flour.
Him: I’m so surprised.
Me: At least there’s no squash in them.
Him. Thank goodness.
Me: Maybe squash is really good in cookies. You don’t know.
Him: I bet I’m going to find out.
Me: No, Pixie doesn’t say meow. She says, ‘merrrow?’. With an r. I don’t know why.
Tom: She must get it from your side of the family.
Me: Oh really?
Tom: If it was from my side she’d say, ‘meow y’all’.
(Coming back in our room from a trip to the shared bathroom at The Doyle)
Me: I’d just like you to know that I am still enough of a lady I put on pants to walk back here.
Outfitter: I am happy to hear you are enough of a lady to put on pants!
Tom: Ewwww…(glancing down at the not-so-clean sleeve I just made more un-clean)…you got boogers on my mud!
Me: you got mud on my boogers!…Two great tastes that taste great together!
Tom: You. Ain’t. Right.
Me: When did we invite college frat boys over?
Tom: Um, never?
Me: Come look at this toilet.
Tom: Baby, you’re a slob.
Me: When I stand up to pee and miss?
Tom: Yup. Or else you’ve been having frat boys over.
Me: I wish.
I was rooting around in our animal paraphernalia and found an old, smelly harness of Lady’s. Like mature, reasonable adults Tom and I agreed it could be thrown out. So like a mature, reasonable wife, I put it under his pillows on the bed.
Some point later in the day, I double checked and it was under MY pillows. So I buried it deeper in his.
This sort of prank is not my forte. I was pretty proud of myself for carrying it so far. So proud in fact, that when we went to sleep that night I had to chortle and ask him to look for the harness.
Tom: It’s not here.
Me: Yes it is!
Me: (warily lifting my own pillows) It’s not here. It’s GOT to be with you.
Tom: It’s not dear.
Me: (digging around under his head and back) It was here! It was RIGHT HERE.
That went on for a few more minutes, alternating my search between my side and his side of the bed. In the morning I found it wedged on the edge of his side. We had the following text conversation:
Me: FYI you slept on stinky dog harness. Found it this AM. Hope that cheers you up.
Tom: I knew about it. I hid it to see how long u would search. :)
Tom: Worth it. Totally worth it.
Tom: Hello!….Home now! Hello?
Me: (From the loft/computer room) Hello!
Tom: Home now!
Me: I figured!
Tom: Have to pee!
Me: I suggest you do so!….In the bathroom!
Thank goodness I thought of that addendum. I am in no mood to mop.