That just about sums it up.

In an argument I started with our condo association regarding fees, Tom stepped in.  And he not only was more gracious than me, he stepped in after I won the real battle.  I gave the evidence that righted our wrong. 

And now?  The person on their side is all, “Why, Tom was ever so nice and since he thinks it’s resolved, that’s that.”

As a woman who made her mark in several male-dominated fields, who bought this condo with her own money, bought her own car, paid for her own vacations, and has been a meal-ticket for more than one gentleman in her lifetime, I am beyond furious when slapped in the face with how patriarchal the world still is.

The reality is, most of the time I let the guy do the talking.   I have in many ways given up on dealing with societies gender roles.  Tom may call the cable company, book the hotel, and arrange for the mechanic. 

But this is my condo.  My baby.  I am proud I was able to be a single homeowner and it is the one thing I hold on to.

And it’s my fight.  My IQ.  I went into this with a certain manner, a certain directness.  A certain bitch to me, some might say.  Tom smoothed right over it all with that southern politeness.  I was a force to be reckoned with.  Now I’m just a force to be side-stepped.

I’m even madder about the fact that I’m upset by it at all.  That I can’t just let it roll off me.  That I’m sitting here, fuming, crying like a little girl, because someone treated me like one.

This weekend, Tom got older.  He gets older every weekend, but this one was the anniversary of when he started the whole process.

Some year we are going to have to take advantage of our birthdays so close together and use it as an excuse for an extravagantly long vacation.  But this year, we just ate a lot of good food and played video games.

I don’t think I’m alone here in the concept that shopping for others is more fun than shopping for yourself.  With unlimited funds, time, and someone else getting all the tedious chores done while you’re out – I suppose I could be persuaded that shopping for myself isn’t torture.  But the reality is, I never know what I need, where to buy it, what looks good on me, and if it fits in our shrinking closet space.

On the other hand, I can think of a dozen things that Tom would like.  Especially since we purchased a PS3 this holiday season.  So I was completely prepared with Harmony Remotes, adapters, and other gizmos/games to suggest to family and friends looking to gift him a little something in recognition of making it another year alive.

What I wasn’t prepared for was how freaking cool I would find everything as well.  And now that Tom has left for the airport for another week of travel, I have it ALL TO MYSELF.  It’s like getting a second birthday, but without the navel-gazing and life assessment.

If only there was some cake left…

Do you ever reach an age, a maturity, where that is not your relflex to a rude and unnecessary comment/email/twitter?

I am…hoping?  Dreaming?  Nay, DEMANDING that 2010 be better than 2009.

That’s how old I turned this past Saturday.

I took the day off from work.  Not something I realize most people have to think about on a Saturday.

I went to the dump, sephora, a massage, and ending the night watching Saturday night reruns while my husband slept.

On Sunday, we spend off to Gainesville to spend just 15 minutes more time with my grandmother than we actually spent on the road.

Laptop sent away.  Back now, can you tell?

Cat pee on kitchen counter.  (please repeat in between every other line)

Pot Rack installed.

New Sneakers.

Painful ankle.  Still.

Flu.  Worst 24-hour shit I’ve had in a long time.

Track lighting installed.

Cat pee on bedroom carpet.

New kitten.

Vet visits.

Resorting to facebook for social life.

Resorting to sent email folder to remember the week.

More Vet visits.

Roof fixed!  Yes?  For reals this time?

Waiting for rain.

Waiting for a break.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Waiting for more.

Apparently, I came close to making all my 2008 resolutions a reality.

1)  Do not move.  Check.  Still in condo.  And it appears that may be what’s in store for 2009 as well.  Thank God we can still afford this place.  Now if only we could get rid of the pee smell in the bedroom and study, fix the roof and ceiling, and perhaps own more items than animals…

2)  Change part-time life to full-time life.  Technically, I believe I still have to bring out a flow chart to explain my daily doings.  But at least I do them all in the same place!  I honestly cannot remember when I wrote that if I had an inkling that the position at the sanctuary was going to be in the offering.  If not, I am pretty sure my itchiness had much to do with how I struggled to find meaningful classes as a part-time student.    You may or may not have noticed, but I haven’t returned to classes.  If I do, it will be very easy online courses just to keep me in the student loop.  I still feel I am learning and accomplishing enough at the sanctuary to keep me intellectually on my toes.

3)  The better health, no dead pets, and passport usage hopes did not really come to fruition in 08.  I think overall I was not as sick, but my weight still teeters on uncomfortable and that is very evident as I am nursing a sprained ankle and notice each ounce I must shift from place to place.  Then of course not only did we lose Roark, but Spike and Lady had very expensive, dangerous ailments as well.  Perhaps my 2009 wishes should be for better health for every living being in this condo – pee and all.

While the passport remained in my dresser drawer, we did manage to travel to places in the US we had never been.  I’ll take partial credit on that one.

And my one real resolution of recycling more was a whopping, annoying, success.  I would say that no glass, metal, or plastic that can be recycled at our local centers has been thrown out this year.  Almost all paper as well – including food boxes, little scraps of receipts, etc.  We got so good at using canvas bags for groceries that I started pillaging my less-green friends plastic bag stashes so we could clean the litter boxes.  And then I took it one step further – we now make such an effort to save extra plastic bags (from tortillas, bread, internal packaging of small boxed goods) that we no longer need to beg plastic from anyone.

And yes, it is annoying.  As in, I am annoying.  You cannot recycle that much stuff without becoming a hippie tree hugger.  I also encourage recycling at work – to the point that volunteers know to stuff cardboard in my trunk – and it’s always dangerous to get that label at work.  People will actually scan my face quickly before slowly motioning towards a trash can with some item.  Just in case I’d like to karate chop them for not reusing that paper towel a third time.

Despite the annoyance, I do hope to continue this trend in 2009.  Specifically, I think we could greatly reduce our electricy and water usage.  These are going to be the biggies for me – I love a well-lit house and a nice hot bath.  But since these energy savings also should translate to real savings, perhaps I can find incentive there.

Lastly…and the whole point of the title of this post…just this week I found a deal on a new laptop I couldn’t turn down.  I’m writing from my brand new Sony Vaio (my old laptop was a Sony as well – I like them).  It has a built-in web camera that I am sure I will use for your amusement and my embarrassment some time in the near future.

In transferring files over so that I may donate my old laptop to the sanctuary, I’ve been hit once again with how much I’ve written in the past that I’ve never polished and posted.  Since it’s quite obvious I’m never going to post my current circumstances with any regularity, I thought I might start dredging some of the old stuff up.

2009…what better time to write about 2004?

It’s 6:07am here in Tampa.  I think it’s going to be about 82 degrees today.  I’m struggling to wake up while the overnight french toast bakes.

I’ll be at the sanctuary by 7:30am, breakfast for the volunteers in hand.  If the rest of the week is any indication, I will get the honor and privilege of picking up poo and left over meat from our 3 new cats (2 tigers and a liger).  They are still on quarantine and most haven’t even gotten a glance at them yet.  Of course, even with cleaning and feeding them this week I’ve only really seen 2 of them.  I hope they get over the transport trauma soon and learn we are there to help them.

Once cleaning and feeding is done, I’ll come back to the condo to pack up for Gainesville.  If everyone is lucky I will take a minute to shower.  Two hours of driving, a little food with the family at Grandma’s, some present-opening, and then a two hour drive back.

I’ve been averaging about 3-4 hours sleep a night for maybe two weeks now.  So maybe I’m just delirious.  But right now I feel so blessed and lucky for a Christmas like this.

I hope where ever you are, whomever you are with, whatever you do, you feel the same way.  Merry Christmas.

So, I just deleted one of those “I’m in a funk and can’t figure out because life is pretty sweet and these small things shouldn’t add up to a hill of beans let alone a personality disorder” posts.

You know you need to shut the fuck up when you can’t stand to finish writing a sentence for yourself.

But, it’s also true.  I’m going through a rough patch.  Not surprisingly, in winter.  Not surprisingly, during the holidays that we’ve decided we won’t really be celebrating.

I used to blame bad history for these blues.  Then I blamed Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Then I thought maybe I am just one fucked up person.

I haven’t ruled that last one out.

A few years ago I realized that I was growing up because I felt comfortable in my skin.

Now, I know I am a grown up because I am comfortable being uncomfortable in my skin.