I’m at the sanctuary 2-3 times a week these days and having an awesome time.  About a month ago or so I was seriously considering moving up in the ranks.  It just felt so natural.

Then we decided to go to Georgia for a weekend.  And to Chicago/Eagle River for a week.  In between, I will be in Costa Rica.

Whether the feeling would be valid of self-inflicted, I would worry about how it would look to accept the priviledges of a higher volunteer level and then skip town.  After wrestling with the idea for a week or so, I decided I am very happy just being grunt.  I’ll do what I’m told and leave when I’m done.

Perhaps I would feel different if I weren’t allowed to conduct tours.  I’ve done 2 adult tours, 3 children’s tours, and 1 tour for emotional disturbed teenagers in the past week.  I don’t think I’d ever want to be a full-fledged teacher, but the tours are educational and it is both fun and amazing to help people learn about these animals.

Another thing is that I have worked back up to doing enrichment.  I was granted time yesterday and walked around with an intern handing out spice bags and liver-cicles.  (Scent is important to cats in the wild so spices interest them.  And a liver-cicle is, well, pureed liver frozen in a cup.  Yum.)  It reminded me so much of why I do this.  These animals rely on humans for everything.  They are reminded of this when they eat, when they shit, and when they hurt.  Enrichment is a time for the animal to just be an animal.

These pictures are not from that, but from an early morning while I was waiting for a tour to come.  It’s hard to get pictures because there is little time for anyone to just wander; we’re always working and the work is never done.  But I snuck to my car when I saw these photo opportunities.

Leopard, mid-yawn.  He came to us after his owner, a small road-side zoo operator, died.

Tiger.  She was a rescue from the exotic animal market, a pet.  I believe she was almost 3 months when the owners realized she was too big and dangerous.  She’ll live to be around 20.

Not wild animals, but too cute to not share.

I have been back at the sanctuary for a month now.  It has been wonderful.  I have been anxious and cautious at times; things change, people change.  I feel it is a careful balance between respecting the now (what I’m allowed to do, when I should ask for help/direction/guidance) but also not shirking responsibility I’m aware of from the then.

One thing several volunteers asked me after the meeting today was if I was going to be promoted quickly, go back to my old status, etc.  It amazes me how little I’m interested in that.  Not that I don’t want to be out there that much, but that I feel I can do so much just as I am right now.

Why do I think you’ve been waiting for this post?  Pictures.

First, I got home yesterday with an hour to get all purty for a date.  This is how dirty I was:

See the sock line?  That’s the color the rest of me was supposed to be.  I did not snap an after photo because when you are that dirty and have an hour to get date-presentable, you don’t have time to take more than one picture.

Then, today after our monthly meeting, I grabbed my camera and begged an old friend to walk me around a bit.  (As a LL, I shouldn’t be wandering by myself in certain areas.)

Cougar cub, roughly seven months old.  Rescued with his two siblings from Idaho after a hunter shot his mother in late fall.

All three siblings, peeking out from their den.

Lioness seized in a drug bust in Tennessee.  The Nashville zoo could not keep her for many reasons, one being she was declawed.  Her elbows had huge growths on them when she arrived years ago.  They had grown to protect her joints from the concrete on which she was kept.  A few months of a natural enclosure and good diet did wonders.  (You can see one still a bit knobby although it is a poor picture of it.) 

I haven’t decided exactly how I’m going to write about the sanctuary.  You have to understand, for me to tell you about it is like talking about my family and my work all rolled into one.  It’s difficult to describe such a unique experience with the right amount of details and also keep privacy – both for the sanctuary and myself.
 
With that…
 
I got there around 7:45am.  First thing I tried to do was install my thumb drive on the volunteer computer so I can transfer a database and work on it at home.  (Why yes, I have taken on a few more responsibilities.)  It didn’t work.  The computer is too old to have the right drivers.  This means I am now a week behind in the schedule in my mind unless I come out some weeknight.  We’ll see.
 
GM wasn’t quite sure what to do with me.  He couldn’t just send me off on my own, for policy and procedure’s sake.  When he handed out assignments, he made sure to explain to the other LL volunteer paired with me that I was experienced.  GM actually did that with anyone all day, and last weekend as well.  It’s incredibly gratifying to know I’m appreciated and respected for the knowledge and responsibility I had prior.
 
And then?  I cleaned. 
 
I picked up old meat.  Scrubbed concrete slab “dinner plates”.  Cleaned and refilled water bowls.  Scrapped feces to the edge of cages and picked it up with BBQ tongs.
 
It was heaven.
 
We were done cleaning our section around 11am.  We went back up front to grab some water at the Volunteer area before heading back out to double check another section.  (Check each cage that no one missed a feeding area, and quick perimeter sweep for feces either missed or lovingly deposited after cleaning.)
 
But when I told GM I was either 1) out of there at noon or 2) willing to stay and back up an 11:30 tour, he chose the tour.
 
(Backing up a tour means that I keep the guests all corralled between the guide and me.  I watch that they don’t wander off and that they don’t lean/point over barricades so the guide can concentrate on talking.)
 
After the tour, there was a mad rush in the parking lot.  The road and exit only accommodate one lane of traffic, and the 11:30 tour guests were not all gone as tons of 1:30 tour guests were arriving.
 
(Note:  Never come on a 1:30 tour.  You will not see that many animals and they will be sleeping.  Even the diurnal ones are mostly napping because it is so hot.)
 
So I ended up sticking around until about 2, helping direct parking and just keeping my own departure from fucking up the situation.  GM tried to sweet talk me into staying to help with some specialized tour duties – things that any LL volunteer should be jumping up and down to do – but I hadn’t ordered/brought lunch and needed to get back home with time to clean up and rest before dinner and Dame Edna with M.
 
He called me a wuss.  Heh.  Some things never change.
 
I had two very sweet/embarrassing moments.  One was when a volunteer told me that someone from the Snow Leopard Trust is coming to speak this week.  She said that it really was my doing because she heard me talk about it on one of my tours and was inspired.  This was so wonderful to hear because guiding a tour is really about educating and sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re ever getting through to people.
 
The other was when I introduced myself to an intern and she said, “Oh yeah!  I know you from the DVD!”  Yes, there is a DVD about the sanctuary and I am on it.  I sound and look like a dork.  I sprained my ankle that day and the last half of the interview I was just holding on until someone could drive me on a golf cart home (I lived at the sanctuary at the time) and W could take me to the ER for X-rays. 
 
As embarrassing as the DVD is, it was still kind of cool that she recognized me.
 
There are many things I’d forgotten that came back to me yesterday.  How raw you feel after six hours in the sun.  How I cannot empty water bowls without getting my sneakers wet.  How the dust from the parking lot gets in your nostrils and leaves you with black boogers. 
 
My hamstrings are burning right now – cleaning is glorified squats for over two hours.  And I’m extremely tired.  But my back feels fine.  I feel so lucky these days, for my health, my strength (both mental and physical), and my life in general.  I hope that everyone feels like this because it is an amazing high.

The first few questions of the interview were easy.  In part because I didn’t have to answer them.

“So, why are you here?”

“No, I already wrote down her answer.  She loves it here.”

“OK.  Well, do you have any previous animal handling experience?”

The room laughed while under her breath MC spoke as she wrote, “…hand…fed…lioness…”

“Any previous volunteer experience?”

More laughter, as I offered, “I worked at a soup kitchen in high school.”

There were some tougher questions.  What was my intent this time around.  If they could fast track me into more responsibilities would I want it.

This is a unique thing I’m doing.  People come.  People leave.  People do not return to volunteer.  Not after a two-year absence.

We discussed some options.  I can’t say what will happen.  I can’t even say exactly what I want to happen.  I want to be back there.  That was the future for me until today.  Today, after the orientation and the interview, it is my present.

As I got up to leave GM asked, “When was the last time you were out on a tour?”

“Thanksgiving.”

“Was that you and me in the rain?”

“No, that was my birthday.  At Thanksgiving, my tour guide was B.”

“Oh, good.  So it hasn’t been that long.”

MC broke in, “Wait…that’s why she’s back now!  Her birthday!  Damnit.  Now we have those three in a row again!”

The other two of the three were in the room, members of the committee interviewing me.  I’ve celebrated so many birthdays with them.

My immediate response was, “But guys, you don’t celebrate lowly LL volunteer birthdays.”

More laughter all around.

On my ride home, the radio gods blessed me with Thirty Eight Special.  Second Chance.